Forced Equindulty.....

"Life is what happens when you've made other plans". This seems to be the great quote of the horse world. The biggest lesson our hoofed partners teach us is how truly little control we have in the world. I got home from Atlanta and more than anything all I wanted to do was ride Joker. I had missed him terribly and I wanted to see if what I was able to accomplish at the clinic carried over to him. Unfortunately Wednesday morning I got the text and voice mail we all hope never to see "your horse is sick". After a little bit of swearing and a few tears (he will be fine btw but is out of commission for probably at least a month) I headed to the barn. I was supposed to have a riding lesson and my coach at least wanted to talk about the clinic.

I need to stop here and say, I have the best riding coach in the world. And what makes her the best is her lack of ego and her true genuine desire to see her students succeed. Etta is the most open minded person I know when it comes to trying new ideas and new ways of looking at things and that is what I needed coming back. She was as hungry to know what I learned as I was to share it, and immediately she started asking how we could apply it in my lessons.

I really didn't want to get on a horse if it wasn't Joker, this time it DID feel like cheating on him and just felt wrong, but she convinced me to get on Dodger (one of the schoolies I had ridden before) so we at least had a horse to demo with. In the end I was glad I did. The difference riding him from the last time to this time was night and day.

Etta and I went over all my notes and then worked through figuring out how to do the artificial floor exercise successfully (thank god because that makes a HUGE difference in my riding - so this is now going to be part of our regular routine for a while) and then I rode. EVERYTHING was different, not just from my side of the saddle but for her watching. My hands were a ton quieter, up to my elbows, my connection to the horse was different (as Wendy would say I was part of the system now), my seat was so much more centered and most of all I COULD STOP THE HORSE (both at the walk and the trot). This was my big goal going into the clinic, my downward transitions. They were UGLY before (pulling on the horses mouth, me coming out of the seat, hands all over the place). They aren't perfect yet (I am still fighting myself not to brace my feet in them) but they are so much better, night and day. I have learned how to use my seat instead of crazy confusion. Another huge change I could feel and Etta could see was how smooth my turns were, because my hands weren't all over the place it seemed so easy to get Dodger to do patterns. I still struggled with getting myself out of sorts and having to "reset" especially if I look up, but we are going to keep working on that one (both on and off the horse). But the nice part is that at least now we know the issue, we know I disconnect when I look up, and that is a piece we didn't have a week ago.

There was one more observation Etta made that I hadn't put together. How much calmer I was after the weekend. All that was going on with Joker yesterday should have had me rattled, unfocused and as a result (something else I learned this weekend) disconnected from the sensory parts of my body. But something from the weekend changed me, maybe it was those balance pads Wendy (LOL). I truly think it is just having a path now, knowing I was understood, having things I can work on instead of that hopeless feeling I had been fighting. I feel out of my rut and unstuck, I feel optimistic that I am fixable and I have a plan to get there. And that for me is a calming place. Even with Joker getting sick, something we knew might happen, I am calm because it has happened, it is no longer a question or an unknown looming over my head. Now I can work on getting him better and know what is going on. I have control back, well not really, but I can kid myself I do *smile*

Please keep good thoughts for Joker over the next couple weeks. As his owner said to me yesterday "he is too good a horse to have to feel like this". He is my special partner and it is hard seeing him hurting!