Nash

This weeks new horse was Nash, another sorrel schoolie. This was a weird lesson, or maybe what they are supposed to be, I don't know, I am still processing this one (so this post will probably ramble a bit).

Easy part first, Nash is a pretty laid back horse. He was snoozing in the snow when we went out to get him and he was in no hurry to get up and come in for a lesson. I wish I had brought the camera out with me, he looked so majestic laying there. I don't know what it is being around a horse laying down, but they seem even more beautiful to me that way. These huge animals in such a vulnerable position, all curled up. I am always in awe of them watching them. They truly have no sense of their size or their strength, they are just innocent looking and sweet. I always feel humbled that they have enough trust to remain like that and let us approach.

Once we got him inside and I got to ride I liked the motion of  Nash's walk and trot. A world away from 50 last week. I really didn't get to feel much of his lope to compare it. But the few strides I got out of him were pretty smooth, to the point I was having a hard time deciphering if he was trotting or had actually started cantering.

My big frustration was Nash was his lack of desire to do much of anything. He was very distracted when he was alone in the arena, when other horses were being brought through he wanted to follow them. I am learning this is the definition of horse! But what was weird was that I am used to how Joker manages his anxiety being alone, he gets more "up" when he is distracted, his motions get bigger, he has more energy than when he is focused on me. Nash was just the opposite, the more distracted he was the harder it was to keep him moving forward.

And here in lies where I think the lesson was more about ME than him. I didn't handle his lack of work ethic very well at all. It drove my frustration level through the roof. I felt lost and unsure what to do with it, and the longer it went on the more out of sorts I got. I have learned, to a point, how to regain the focus of a horse who is more geared up and unfocused, but with this horse that just could have cared less I felt very ineffective and ineffectiveness for me is a frustrator I don't handle well. Part of the lesson yesterday was I need to learn to not fall apart in a situation like this. I got to the point that I was growling at Etta and was fighting tears because I didn't know what else to do with him. I felt out of tools and that is a really hard place for me. I know it came across in the lesson as I was getting angry at the horse or my instructor but the reality was I was the only one I was upset with.  I actually think this is a horse I would have enjoyed working with had I kept myself more in check and had a few extra tools in my toolbox to pull from.

Yesterday was a realization for me on this whole other horse journey. It is not turning out the way I had thought it would, or I guess more so what my original intention was. My fear was that I wouldn't know how to handle horses that were MORE horse than Joker (faster, less polite, bigger in movement, hotter, more up) and that that was where I needed to focus. But now having ridden 3 horses who are more broke than Joker, I am realizing I am deficient in both directions.

In ways the experience so far has been comforting, I haven't fallen off, I haven't been unable to mount, I haven't felt physically at risk. Which were most of the things I feared that lead me to this journey. But in other ways it has been a reinforcement of what I feared about my riding ability being less when I am not on the horse I am used to.

I definitely don't think Nash got a fair shake yesterday from me, so I will be revisiting riding him this Friday in my group riding lesson. Hopefully I bring him a better rider this time!!!

Oh I did forget to say, Nash decided to make me feel right at home and not miss Joker too much and throw in a bunch of whinneying for his friends as we rode. It honestly just made me laugh because things were going sooooo wrong overall.